Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Thoughts for the New Year

I always have good intentions when I start a blog, and then life gets in the way.  I get lazy, overwhelmed with life, or simply am spending time with my little family.  It's easy to have lots of ideas in my head, but it's hard to get them out onto paper, er screen. 

We are 5 days into the new year.  I haven't made any resolutions out loud, cause I don't keep them.  They are the same each year: lose weight, be organized, keep the house clean.  You know the ones.  And every year, they are just a memory.  A good thought that didn't happen.  I say this as I type away in my cluttered office, listening to the rain and the washing machine, wondering what I am going have for lunch.  Ironic, right? 

I started thinking right after Christmas about what I can do this year.  I am trying to eat healthier.  I have been for awhile now, but then I slack off and eat junk.  Damn you, peanut butter!  I need to exercise, but I am lazy.  I'd rather sit on the couch, play on the ipad or read a book.  I know I can read and ride to nowhere, but it's nicer on the couch.  I could be cleaning something, but that's no fun.  I did get the living room organized.  And then I filled it with laundry.  You see, no one does laundry in this house except me.  No one will put their clothes away.  Granted there are only 3 of us, but my daughter will throw all her clean clothes on the floor, let the dogs lay on them and then puts all the now dirty clothes back into the laundry room.  I have 4 loads of her clothes sitting on the couch for me to put away.  Yeah, that's what I want to do.  Hubby doesn't put away clothes, either.  He stacks them on the dresser, until they start blocking the TV.  Then he gets all frustrated and will put them away.  Or at least just until there is room again under the TV. 

I got off track!  Anyway, my goals this year are to be healthier, cleaner, more organized and happier.  The first 3 are the same for many people, the last one will make people look at you funny.  I am not an unhappy person, but I am not a positive person.  At all.  I am told I am the poster child for negativity.  I can see the negative in anything.  I don't even have to try that hard.  But I am not a positive person.  I want to be, but for me, it's hard.  Someone once asked me if I enjoyed being negative.  It bothered me.  I guess that's good, right?  I mean, if it didn't bother me, then it would mean that I am OK with it.  But it bothered me, and I am not sure how to change it.  I see all these people with their new "vision boards" and I laugh.  I can print out cutesy little quotes and stick them on a board, but will that make me think positively?  I don't think so!  For me, it's all mental.  I need to think of things in a more positive light.  I need to work hard to find the good in all things, rather than just the good in the good things.  I hope that makes sense. 

Today is day 1 of like 5 days of rain.  I am so happy it's raining.  We need it so badly.  The news is only talking about the mess from the rain.  I say bring it on!  I can clean my floors next month! (3 dogs + wood floors + rain = giant, muddy mess!).  So my house will be stinky (see wet dogs) and dirty.  At least my plants are finally getting water.  The traffic will be bad, but I am still on vacay this week.  I get to pick my daughter up from school this week and then bring her home and actually pretend to be a full time mom.  We can sit and do homework together.  She can cuddle on the couch and watch cartoons this afternoon.  She doesn't get to do that.  She's either with hubby or with grandpa after school.  We get to enjoy being together this week before work starts again next week.

With this new year, I hope to make some changes with me.  It's gotta start with me cause no one else will do them for me.  If they won't do my laundry, I'm sure they won't help me change. 


Sunday, November 29, 2015


I am a mom to a 9 year old daughter.  She is smart, shy, funny and a hoarder.  She takes after my husband's side of the family on that one, but for the record, I am not a neat freak! 

We tried for almost 2 years to have a baby.  We got pregnant about 6 months after we decided, "Hey, let's have kids!"  We found out at 10 weeks that it wasn't a viable pregnancy.  I learned later that while everything got together, it didn't split like it should, so it was considered "conception material".  Lovely.  Anyway, it took us about 15 months after that to get pregnant again (thank you, margaritas!).  I was nervous the whole time, expecting the worst again.  Luckily, it worked out and we became mommy and daddy.  But it wasn't without problems, of course.  My daughter was born via C-section after I pushed for 2 1/2 hours.  I wasn't against a C-section, as long as she was healthy.  Too bad I forgot to say that I wanted to be healthy, too!  The doctor/nurse/OR team didn't do their job well and left a surgical sponge inside me.  Long story short, I got sick, had it removed, got septic, had heart issues and was in the hospital for a week.  That cured me of wanting another baby.  Well, it cured me of wanting to give birth to another baby.  I always wanted more, but never did anything about it.  Hubby got "fixed" and life goes on.  I'm too old now to have another baby, biological or otherwise, and we are happy with our life as it is.  I just get a little jealous when I hear of people having more kids. 

Anyway, back to happy thoughts!  My daughter is our one and only and we love her to death.  My hubby was home with her for the first 2 years.  He was in school at the time and I was working.  It was the best situation we had, and it worked.  My daughter loves her daddy and he loves her.  They have bonded more in 9 years than many kids bond with their parents in their whole lives.  I had/have mommy guilt, but I also know that I could not be a stay at home mom.  I like my job and know that I am a better mom because of my job.  We put our daughter in preschool/daycare when she was 2.  She went 2 days a week for socialization and daycare purposes.  She learned her ABC's before she was 2 1/2.  I didn't know she could do that (and I'm a teacher!).  We knew she was really smart, but she didn't talk much.  At 3, her dr. said that we could contact the school district if we were worried about her speech, so we did.  After lots of testing (most unnecessary due to the ineptness of the test administrator), we learned our daughter was quite intelligent, but had a speech delay.  She was in speech for the next 6 years (she just graduated this year from speech!), while kicking butt in school.  She reads well above her grade level and does well in all subject areas.  She's a great student and enjoys going to school.  She hopes to be a vet and we are telling her now to work hard to go to UC Davis.  We just visited the school last week, and she now has her own college gear from there. 

My daughter has done a lot in her short time.  She's played soccer, but like her mommy, she doesn't run fast and she's not super competitive.  She didn't like the coaches her were in it solely for the win.  She wanted to learn and have fun, which isn't what our soccer leagues are for, I guess.  She wanted to play basketball, but that only lasted one indoor rec season, for the same reason soccer ended.  The coach wanted to win every game.  We put her in drum lessons and she liked it for awhile, until we went on vacation and she was over it.  The teacher was good, but wanted her to move higher than she was ready for.  Again, it's all about competition.  She also took golf lessons, but got bored with just going to the driving range.  I couldn't blame her...she wanted to learn to golf, not just hit the ball as hard as she could.  They closed the golf course, so it all worked out, really. 

My hubby grew up in Boy Scouts.  He said when we had kids, they had to be in scouts.  We got my daughter in scouts when she was in Kindergarten.  The troop we joined was a mess, but we hung with it for the next year.  Then we bounced around from troop to troop.  We finished Brownies with the last troop we joined, then we decided to start our own troop, which is where we are now.  She also joined 4H last year.  It's been a busy year with new things, but it keeps her and I busy. 

I have my doubts like a lot of parents do about whether or not I am a good parent.  I yell, I get mad, I get busy.  But I also spend time with her, cuddle, talk and try and give her new experiences.  I hope she thinks I am good mom, and I try to be better.  I know I can do better, and every day I think of all the ways I have sucked for the day.  In case you don't know, I am a pessimistic person by nature.  It drives everyone nuts, but it's how I am.  I have always been that way.  My family laughs and says I am Sadness from Inside Out.  I can find the negative in anything.  It's a curse.  I try to be positive, and sometimes I succeed. 

For my daughter, I hope she knows she's loved.  I tell her everyday how much I love her.  I let her know I am here for her.  We may not get to be together all the time, but I try to be there for her when I am home.  I hope my daughter grows up and continues to love school and love learning.  I hope she strives to be the best and the smartest.  I hope she grows up thinking she's beautiful, no matter what anyone says.  I hope she grows up and sees the positive, rather than the negative.  I hope she grows up and looks back on her young life and likes what she sees.  I want her to know she is loved and that I would do anything and everything for her.  I love you, baby girl! 



Welcome to my new blog, Mom Wife Crazy Life!  I want a place to write about stuff that has happened in my life with my husband, my daughter and everything in between.  I am a mom, a wife, a first grade teacher, a Girl Scout leader, a 4H Project leader, a chicken farmer and sometimes a housewife.  I try to do well in everything, but feel like I succeed in very little.  I am busy, yet lazy.  I am motivated, yet accomplish very little at a time.  I want to be Superwoman, but I have no powers.  I do what I can to hold it all together, even when things are falling apart.  This is me.  This is my life.